Sunday, June 26, 2011

To Dream a Dream Through Restless Colors

Soaring from the wind
a river of mist flowing o'r my shoulder
There is no descent
and the climb becomes colder
yet I shall climb higher into the sky
Higher ever still
The Sun is my guide
the solace a chill
I weep soaring over the chimneys
The harps of the voices of birds
sing unto me
so sweetly strong
I sweep up the wrongs
Oh delight which no one else can enter
the Still Small Voice
and I alone
on this mountain
with a thousand other faces below
whom I dare not look to, lest I hurt them with myself
Run, run away from me!
I run to the mountainside
to the cave of the Lion
I beg Him to take away the wrongs
and give me rights
rights to death
and wings of light
so that I may fly
and be free from me
I laugh and wipe the tears from my eyes
as He stares into my soul
the complications melt away
and I am left breathless
in the simplicity and the silence of the night
As I relax my grip upon my world, my life, my soul
all becomes clear
and I sigh
my spine relaxing
He sets me to sleep beneath the whirring fan
and I hear His voice like gentle thunder
singing over my head, and His footsteps on my roof top
How beautiful
I rest
I drift
to sleep...

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Brown Couch Rocket

It is 12:05
I am sitting in a clean living room
I feel that I am in a dark space ship
And I don't know where it will take me
I am thoughtful
A silent dull sob sits in my stomach
So much hope from the future
May I not be buried in the past
I am floating above the silent launch pad
I am ready to embrace the sky
Come what may
He will hold fast
This may be the last time I see this place
Should I close my eyes, I may be carried away
Oh dreamer of restless sleep
And tired eyes are my comfort
My thoughts are dull with numb, tired, pain
I fight
I smile
I sigh
I see the flickering lights of the VCR
like the flicker of a smile on an angels face
and I will drift off
to the place
where I can sleep
and delights and dangers await
until the Glorious One Arrives

Sunday, June 19, 2011

My Door, My Kettle, My Love

I was just watching your back leave for the last time
I feel it was inadequate when I said my goodbye
I hope you know how very deeply I love you
and I hope that you see my house is your home too

I hope that you know
my door is always open to you
And as you grow
my kettle is always on
I hope it shows
My love, for you my love
if life brings rain upon your head
my arms are always open

I waved and hugged you goodbye
our lives on earth will be erased in time
but as I move toward the finish line
Heaven is calling to let our love shine

I hope that you know
my door is always open to you
And as you grow
my kettle is always on
I hope it shows
My love, for you my love
if life brings rain upon your head
my arms are always open

Monday, June 13, 2011

The Room of Glass

In a lonely field, but not lonely so as to be sad, only very quiet and peaceful, there stood a beautiful house. Within this house, one of the rooms was made of glass. I cannot tell you who owned the house, for no one ever knew or asked the question, but I can tell you one person who lived there. A maiden dressed in chiffon, which seemed to change color from blue to white and white to blue depending on the light which surrounded her and what time of day it was, would go to the room made of glass. All around the room was a bending sea of tall, green grass, but not because it had never been tended to. On the contrary, it had been loved and played in. Children's laughter had rustled through it. No, it was kept tall so that the wind might swish herself through it, and so that as she swept, the trees would hear the song brushing from the floor the sky. Like tossing hair, gently it swayed outside the window, and the lady in glass room, tall and small and beautiful, with anticipation always upon her face, would dance. As the wind blew, her feet swept across the floor, and one could almost see the wind rush into the room itself. When it rained, the water cascaded over the glass, seeming to pour into the room and into the very soul of the maid who danced beneath the torrent. Though she danced in a room of glass, it was difficult to see her movements, for like a drop of rain or breath of wind she moved so quickly at times, and so slow at others that it seemed at times she did not dance, but she was always dancing. Even if only her eyes gazed, there was dancing behind them. And in her eyes, in her being, in her whole frame was an expectancy, anticipation, and waiting. And always when something caught her eye, her soul, she would look upward. Some said that she was waiting for the roof to undo, and for something extraordinary diminish the glass and carry her away to a further place where there stood a glassy sea, and smiles, and laughter, and song and dance awaited those who were found.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Pictures From Senior Speech Day

Night before the big showdown...
Too tired...
Lets Go! 
Be With Me Jesus!
Determination Sets In
Nerves In The Hallway
Thoroughly Tired And Walking Home

It was rather hard to get a picture of the entire dress, so I'll have to do that sometime when I have time ;)

Friday, June 3, 2011

In 1789, the Turtles Invaded America. I haven't Slept for 24 Hours, and General Joe Washington was Our First President, Get Up, Its Senior Speech Day!

So... Wednesday...

The night before my presentation, I looked something like this...
I felt really tired, to be quite honest. Too tired to be nervous, too tired to care, to tired to do anything but SLEEP. So I promptly went to sleep. Then, I woke up, and got ready for school. I decided not to go for morning classes since I would only have one 20 minute math class that morning. Instead, my mom dolled me up and I dressed in my smart little 50's dress with a little brown sweater. I puttered about the house for a few hours, cleaning here cleaning there, thinking "in one hour, in forty minutes, in fifteen minutes, I'll be in front of people I don't know, giving my presentation... Boy am I TIRED!

I put all my things in front of the door at least 30 minutes in advance, and then double checked everything at least four times. Good thing too, because I had somehow lost my memory stick with my project on it. However, I was too tired to be upset, so I just prayed and looked for another one, which I soon found in Lexie's drawer (thanks Loo!). I put my project on the new memory stick, placed it in my bag, and resumed my puttering. I thought that it was such a shame that I couldn't be more excited. I was plumb tuckered out from this whole school year!

At last, it was 10:15. I put on my little brown suede heels and headed out the door, hauling my backpack which held my enormous project binder. As I walked, I listened to Sufjan Stevens, first listening to "Now that I'm Older" and then "All For Myself." As I listened to that last song, the school appeared as the music swelled, and a few lonely raindrops fell from the heavy grey sky. I smiled and cars began to pull in and out of the parking lot. Everyone else was leaving but the seniors who had to present. I went to my senior project classroom to pick up my hard-worked poster, and wished everyone good fortune and prayed for us all. Ms. Monty said we'd all do really well. I hoped I wouldn't flop. I went to my room (D103) and I checked everything on the computer. I was glad I did because one of my slides needed fixing (oh, outdated computers, bothersome you!). Once I fixed all that up, I set up my poster, and completely forgot my binder. I left the room, like our teacher, Ms. Monty had said to. She had said "be sure your posters are set up, and then leave the room. Your poster should be good because this is the FIRST IMPRESSION THEY WILL GET OF YOU, YOUR PROJECT, AND YOUR SOUL!" Ok, maybe not the soul part, but it sounded like our panelists were ready to bite our heads off!

I went nervously to the hall, where a bunch of other kids were standing around. We didn't really know what to do, or where to go. Though our teachers had taught us nearly everything, they were very vague on the details of the actual beginning of the presentation. So we all just sort of stood around the hallway.

"You nervous?"

"Not really. You nervous?"


"Yeah... We'll be fine. I mean I think so. I hope so! Whats your project?"

"Oh I did aksjdhf. And you?"

"I did lkhwerhy."

*someone else joins the group and the entire conversation starts up again*

It was quite funny to see everyone dressed up. Especially Guy, who is normally really outgoing and says what is on his mind. He wears really "teenage" clothes, and then that day he was dressed in a sweater and khaki pants. I had to take a step back! He said he was really nervous, and in that yellow striped sweater, he did look rather like a nervous bumblebee. I spoke with Laura, who did a dancing project. She was in my English class with Ms. Lucas. Then I spoke with Reese (who is basically our school mascot from middle-school and the all around person whom everybody knows), and another boy named Will (whom I had always thought looked like Mike from "Down Gilead Lane"... Anyway, an announcement came over the loudspeakers, or as Mr. G called it "the god-box" and told us that we would begin presentations at 11:45, but to check into our rooms at 11:15. This seemed a strange, and awfully long waiting period. Were they trying to make us nervous???

In the hallway someone shouted "11:15!" and we all darted off to our classrooms, with the last handshakes and "good lucks" behind us. I went into my room and met my two other fellow classmates who were Will and Nichole. Then we faced our panelists who seemed very nice, except the guy, (whom I can't remember the name of, lets just call him Mr. Red (he had red hair)), who seemed just as tired as I was. Ms. Chambers was something like a jolly aunt, and Ms. Petterson seemed like the type of person who might work at a nursing home, really quiet and calm. Ms. Chambers sat in the middle, and her wide eyes seemed to be the only ones focused in on the speakers at all times. We students sat in the back row of the classroom. Ms. Chambers and Ms. Petterson read my letter with interest. I was getting nervous.

Nichole wanted to go first. Will wanted to second. I was fine with being last. So, Nichole did her presentation, which was on learning to play guitars and recording music. I thought she did a fabulous job, especially considering that she had lost her cards, and was having to simply pull from her slides (which only had pictures on them). She reminded me of Rachel in the sense that she LOVED music, and wanted to pursue a music career.

Then Will went. He was very confident (reminded me something of Eugene from Adventures in Odyssey) and he talked about investing. I thought he did very well on his presentation. His voice was clear, his slides were easy to follow, and the information was good. However, he mentioned investing in bio-tech and I had a shot up through my spine thinking "NO, BAD IDEA! RED FLAG! PULL OVER!" But thats a really long story =P. As he shut down his powerpoint, and pulled out his memory stick from the computer, I realized just how unprepared I was. I wanted time to think over what I must stay, I wanted hours, days, weeks, but there it was now or never. I waited nervously as the judges... I mean panelists scribbled down their notes from the last presentation. Then, I began...

I rambled. At least, I thought I rambled. I looked to all the eyes the room. The kids seemed fairly interested. Mr. Red seemed out of it, he looked like he was staring off into space. Ms. Chambers had her eyes glued to my face and Ms. Petterson was quietly writing down her notes. As the presentation went on, I checked myself and chided my rushedness. "You missed a transition! That went too fast! You didn't explain!" I tried to steady myself, aa nd by the middle of the presentation, I felt ok. I thought I was a bit redundant at the end, saying I LOVE TO WRITE about million times, but there it was. I couldn't erase the words. Then I read my ending poem, and asked for any questions...

I was asked the following:

Have you ever taken any class that helped you to write?
I did have a wonderful English class during sophomore year, but that was because my teacher paid attention to my love for writing, not necessarily because of the curriculum.

You said you don't like change, but you like to be innovative. Whats the difference?
I like to be in control of the change. I am a creative person, so I like to make change, but I don't like being caught up in change I cannot control.

Et C'est Fini! (And it is finished)

We all walked out of that room, lugging our giant posters, and a sense of accomplishment (and relief). But what I heard after we left the room surprised me. Will, looking rather taken aback said "You did GREAT!"

"I did?" Perhaps this wasn't the best response, but I thought I did HORRIBLE (especially compared to my practice). I of course said that he did really well, (which he DID). I thought that God must have given me a captivated audience, because I thought I had rather stumbled and fumbled through the whole thing. We went up to the library where they were serving fluffy poison with liquid poison (cake and punch). I wanted to say hi to Laura and see how she did. She was beaming, and so proud. I was so happy for her, she worked really hard!

As I was talking, I guess Will went and told a bunch of people that my project was good, because in minute, Gage (from French) came and asked me "WHAT did you say in your project?"

I told him that I mostly just talked about writing. "Did you share any deep family issues?"
I had briefly touched on my moms illness, but I said that I mostly just talked about how I love to write. I was tired, and pleasently surprised at all of this, I mean thank heavens my listeners weren't bored or anything, but I don't think that my speech was that great (and I'm being honest). I think Jesus was sitting there, making my speech seem bright and dazzling, when really it was just him. I walked home, eating some gluten free muffins and apple sauce. When I got home, I kicked off my shoes, threw myself on the couch, and fell asleep to a Poirot. All in all, I was blessed and it was a good day because I think I passed and I got to SLEEP!

So, there's a nice, long, newsy post for ya. Probably too long and too newsy =P Sorry dears!

Audios Flamingos!

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