Monday, September 22, 2014

Media Review: The Edge of the Earth EP

Um, yeah... totally 5/5

This isn't so much of a media review, as a rant on what is beautiful. Switchfoot, I would like to thank you for being obedient and doing work that others might view as trivial, shallow, and unimportant. There have been countless times that your voices and instruments have sung me to sleep when all hope seemed lost. Your music was a safe place. Your songs encouraged me. They prodded me to get back up and go the distance. I needed these songs. I needed them on the day they came out. So thank you. I can't say that enough.  

Friday, September 19, 2014


Make me the way I was when I was three
Take away the blindness so that I can see.
Break my pride that overrides your symphony
And stitch my wounds, the ones that I can't see.

I know you'll finish LORD, you'll cover me
And when I cry at night you'll comfort me.
When I'm unsure of your love for me
Your strong arms are my company.

I know you'll make me strong but not the same
Life is made for us a dangerous game.
You'll make my feet to stand within the pain
You'll keep me for the sake of your name.


The wreck of the world fell on us,
and it was our fault.
It was me and you,
You and I who breached the walls.
We punched our numbers,
pushed His buttons till we had to leave.
And you and I departed
We parted too numb to grieve.

Where is Eden? That place I have forgot...
Where is Eden? There was a garden...
In the cool of the evening there was a God.
Where is Eden? Could it all have been a dream?
Where is Eden? Why does nothing seem right anymore...

The fault lines, the lines of fault
Rested with us.
I looked deep in the mirror
And saw no one to trust.
So I ran and ran
Across the sand
And fell upon the road.
It was thrilling me, now its killing me
Is this an imaginary load?

Where is Eden? That place my soul could rest...
Where is Eden? There all the colors stand undressed.
Where is Eden? Could it all have been a dream?
Where is Eden? Why does nothing seem right anymore...

- - -

How hard it was to realize that Eden was over.
How hard it was to wake up cold, feel my guilt
I'd groan and roll over.
How hard it was to understand that Eden was forever gone,
and it was my fault!
It was my fault.

I tried to push what couldn't be.
I became my own enemy.
I became an enemy of God.
My brain was a lion
Wild and restless
My heart full of pain, dirt and distresses
Couldn't hope anymore
Couldn't feel anymore.
But I remembered something someone said before
There is a door... somewhere... it leads to home... somehow... there is a door somewhere... there is a door... yeah, there's a door...

- - -

I searched through the house I had made.
Made of mud and sticks.
I searched all my doors
But they only led to dusty closets
Full of memories
That I'd hate to recall.

Oh the feeling of numbness would it ever leave... me.
Don't give me a single thing to eat.
Don't dare, I came from off the street.
I knew that I was bad through and through
But the wounds were gaping and I hadn't a thing to do.

Doctors, doctors offer their wares
Telling of their cures for your cares.
Friends and family don't understand,
Couldn't you make yourself a happier man?
The world seems cold without any light
And you bite back and slice with your knife.

The world is cold and nobody knows
That the blankets they offer you are see-through and old.
If not in tatters, they aren't really there
and they offer you them up
confused at your blank stare.

No, no, no, no, its not what I want.
No, no, no, no, why was Eden lost...
It was just a dream and nothing more
So why do I long for, why do I long for, why do I long for the door...

- - -

I listened to advice.
I heeded it.
But monsters came around me to feed on it.
Whatever food I had, they ate,
Leaving me with gnawing hunger and an empty plate.

I will fill myself, now!
I will fill myself.
I will fill myself, now!
I can fill myself.

And so with things disgraceful
With thoughts borrowed and sold
I tried to comfort and ease
My wounded, wearied soul.

But all of their answers
Didn't meet with my replies
So dark was the atmosphere
It blackened out the sky.

They whispered, "Do you say you're holy?"
Look at what you've made.
There is no love. Just dust, and lust, and graves.
Just look at your shoulders, bony from lack of trust.
Just look at your stomach, bloated from ease and us!"

Tears dripped down.
What they said was true.
I wasn't holy.
I didn't have a clue.
Its not that I'm holy.
I just want away from you.

"You're dependent on us! Such lack of trust!
We are you're only companions now..."

Its true I'm not holy,
But I want out....
I just cannot stay here,
I've locked down.
My spirits in tatters,
I have hardly one drop of faith,
But someone said that there's a door,
Someone said there's a gate.

"Why talk to yourself this way? You'll never,
ever get out! Why dream of Eden?
Those dreams are dead and out!
Just leave yourself this way
Just leave yourself to us
Cause the locusts that will eat you
are the only friends you've got now!"


My head is down,
forehead low to the ground.
My brain is tired
My body is cold with fire
And everything's wrong,
as wrong as could be
I've been trying all the doors!
But I haven't got the key...

There was a God
Back in the garden.
There was a God
A long time ago.
Was He for real?
Was it in my head alone?
When I killed the garden
Did I kill its very Lord, its very Lord...

My heart is down
The blood beats fast within my ears
My pulse is scared,
I feel I might explode...
Everything's so wrong!
As wrong as it could be!
Where is that door?
Who has that key!!!

There was a God
Back in the garden.
There was a God
A long time ago.
Was He for real?
Was it in my head alone?
When I killed the garden
Did I kill its very Lord, its very Lord...

Now I remember something
Something worth remembering,
I remember this song that the God of dreams
used to sing.
I remember something, that He sang soft and slow
I hear it gently rumble from this throat, and He'd say
"If you wandered far, you are never alone. The dark you find,
because your eyes are closed. If you ask me to come and make things bright,
you will find me, and see I never, ever left your side..."

- - -

Oh but the doubt is deep.
So I call,
and hear my name from Him.
But its just a dream.
I'm far away from Him.

He can't be real.
Such a shame, but then
I'm a grown up girl,
gotta live in the real world.

But the longing's sweet.
Like the first taste off the vine.
What if its real?
And I insist I close my eyes...
Maybe I will blink!
Did I see a flash of light?
Maybe what I think
Is all in this head of mine...

I see a face. Somewhere inside of me
Sirens are going off.
Its always been real,
Its always been real,
Eden was full of wonder...
But I hear voices, voices inside,
"What do you think? What do you think?
You think He can free you now, well, girl, you're ours now!"

And the battle rages.
For days and days and days.
I barely sleep.
I barely eat.
The evil songs they'd play.
"You will never, no you'll never get it right.
Don't be deceived, don't be deceived, you belong to the night!"

But very small in the back of my mind, 
is the voice I know that's true. 
It tells me this was all played out before, 
and that the way to come out is tell the truth, 
believe the truth, and love the truth. 

I almost believe. 
But the going gets hard. 
I almost believe
But my vision is dark. 
I almost believe
Have patience with me 
Have patience with me
Have patience with me... 
I am so worn out, 
My soul is wearing thin... 

I always say never again
and then I give in. 
I must belong to the night. 
I must belong to sin. 
I'm so sorry...
You can kill me if you like... 
I'm so sorry... 
You have no idea, 
How much I long for the light. 

- - - 

She doesn't know, 
She doesn't see
She's already walking in righteousness with me. 
She doesn't know, 
She cannot see, 
So have patience with my Beloved. 
She doesn't know 
She doesn't see 
She's already walking in righteousness with me. 
She doesn't know. 
She doesn't see, 
So have patience with my Beloved. 

Tears fall hard when I am down. 
How could anyone say I'm innocent now? 
How could anyone say I'm innocent now? 

She doesn't know, 
She doesn't see
She's already walking in righteousness with me. 
She doesn't know, 
She cannot see, 
So have patience with my Beloved.

My heart has grown so hard. 
I think I'm too far back in the dark 
I think I'm too far back in the dark. 
I think I'm far past saving now... 

She doesn't know, 
She doesn't see
She's already walking in righteousness with me. 
She doesn't know, 
She cannot see, 
So have patience with my Beloved.

If this were true, it would be sweet
And I could walk in victory
But my fears are so crippling
And my doubt is too strong...

She doesn't know, 
She doesn't see
She's already walking in righteousness with me. 
She doesn't know, 
She cannot see, 
So have patience with my Beloved.

I think I hear your voice
But I'm too frightened to make the choice
How many times have I caved at noise.... 
I far too damaged, you don't want me, 
Go away!

She doesn't know, 
She doesn't see
She's already walking in righteousness with me. 
She doesn't know, 
She cannot see, 
So have patience with my Beloved.

What do you offer? 
What is to gain? 
I'm so worn out
I'm passed through by rain. 
What do you offer? 
I'm scared of choice... 
How often have I caved 
Midst silence or the noise.

I don't offer any excuses
You have wronged
and can't make it up
You are frail
and full of weakness
But my arms 
will brace you up. 
When you are weak I am strong
My blood can right any wrong. 
Look at me in the face
The streaks of blood 
are your saving grace. 

Stop! I am trying... to save you... to spare you
Some disgrace, I'm no child of yours... 

You were mine before space and time. You were mine!
You were mine! I'm jealous over you! I'm jealous over you!
I will save you for my namesake! I have pledged myself to you, 
and I stand by my word, I always stand by my word. 

- - -

I pound my fist against the door.
Sorely blistered, it can't pound no more.
I try to stand on shaky feet
But I fall down, for I am weak.

Nothing matters anymore.
You are real and out of my reach.
Nothing matters anymore
I have sinned, there's no stopping me
This is defeat.

- - -

I will being healing
For I Am Healer. 
I will bring rest, 
For I Am Shepherd
I'll hold you close
For I Am Father
I Am the Sacrifice
On the alter. 

You can't change a single thing, 
Not a single thing, 
A single thing. 
You can't change anything, love. 

I can change everything, 
Yes everything,
I can change anything, love. 

You are the apple of my eye. 
Nothing of you passes from my sight. 
I see the shadows that slow you down. 
I feel how fastly your heart beats now. 

If you could just trust me
and let go of everything
and let go of everything. 
If you could just trust me
and let go of everything
and let go of everything 
I'd be enough. 

- - -

I wish this heart of rust
Could trust the keysmith.
But I can't find the door
My heart is sore, my heart is sore
My palms are sweaty.
There's nothing left to trust,
Nothing left at all.
I'm scared of myself
So ashamed of when I fall.

I am my enemy.
I'm my own enemy.
Please get away from me
I'm not safe.
I am my enemy.
I'm my own enemy
Because I love you
I'll run away.

I wish this heart of lust
Could trust the Lover
But I can't find the faith
I can't see anyway
Out of this misery
I'm so ashamed to see
There's no one stopping me
Stopping me at all
I'm enraged at myself.
Enraged when I fall.

I am my enemy.
I'm my own enemy.
Please get away from me
I'm not safe.
I am my enemy.
I'm my own enemy
Because I love you
I'll run away.

- - - 

Hear these words, my Beloved. 
What hand carried you in the dark? 
Whose very words held your heart? 
Who got you to a standing place? 
Who formed your soul in the deepest place? 
Can you answer me? I am not enraged. 
Just answer me, from the strongest of places. 
Your heart is infinite, and longs to join mine
I know you're scared of it, but you'll be alright. 

I guess it was you. 
I hope that its true. 
Yeah, I guess it was you
But what if not? 
What if its all in my head? 
Oh what's gonna happen when I'm dead? 
You know I long for Heaven 
But dream up Hell. 
I'm scared of this 
Far too scared to tell...

Hear these words, my Beloved. 
I'll give you the faith
Its yours just to take. 
Hear these words 
From a broken heart, 
I have always loved you, 
right from the very start. 
And I'm never giving up on you. 
No I'm never giving up on you, 
Once you believe it, 
And banish the lie,
The monsters will cower
Inside the light,
and you will discover, 
You are alright, 
and I'll bandage your wounds, 
and hold you through the night, 
oh I'll kiss your wounds, 
and hold you so tight. 

Have faith, Beloved!
There's a meaning to it all. 
Have faith, Beloved!
He knows you can't feel at all. 
But have faith, Beloved!
He'll catch you when you fall. 
Have faith, Beloved! 
That faith will be a wall. 

- - - 

So dismayed.
Swaying inside.
I thought I found the key.
I thought I saw the light.
But only defeat is mine.
It is inevitable, isn't it?
It is.
Failure alone
is mine to own.
I'm all alone.
There is no throne,
and no one upon it
who can free me from myself....
But there is... Somewhere...
But He is far away.
My desires are too great.
I am my greatest enemy
so full of depravity
the grip of it is killing me.

- - -

Oh Beloved. 
Have I walked with you so long 
To have you disbelieve 
Oh Beloved, 
every song you hear
are the words I speak, 
I'm speaking so loud and clear. 
You are not what you do
You are who I've made you
And I've made you to be a part of me
And my work. 
You are not the sin, 
There is a monster within, 
But I can cure the broken part, 
Come with me and we'll start over. 

- - -

Almost winning,
and then I sink again.
Believing lies
and losing friends.
Almost there
and then I choke.
Wish I could stop
Before the whole world broke.

I need a savior
I need a friend
I need a father
Someone to mend
this broken heart
so frail from the start
I've got evil in my bones

Didn't think I was so bad
Wanted an excuse
Wanted to shirk
All the reproofs
Wanted to believe
It was all gravity
Didn't want to believe
It's my depravity.
Wanted to wake up,
From the night,
Wanted to stop
The evil delight.
But I couldn't break it
I've got evil in my bones
I couldn't shake it
There's evil in my bones.

There is pettiness
and jealousy.
There is evil I don't want to see.
Taking advantage
Throwing out love,
Is there no stopping
My Hades drug.

- - -

She can win in the dead of night
She can win if she surrenders
So long she was proud
So long she was her own, 
Now is her chance 
to leave pride alone. 
She can win in the cold of night
If she believes 
that I don't leave her side. 
If she can remember
all the things she said
all of those good things I put in her head
If she chooses me
She will be set free
No curse in inevitable
No evil has to be. 
If she chooses sin
I'll let her go, 
But pain won't ever leave her alone. 
If she chooses me, 
She will be set free
No curse is to large 
to put under my feet
When I died for the world 
And obeyed my God
I died for her
and the things she thought. 

- - - 

She can't remember
She can't remember love
She can't be close to you
She can't be close to us
She can't remember
She feels there is no choice
The evil inside
Is drowning out your voice.

But she can be healed. 
I can heal the wounds
She shall be healed 
Should she choose
She can be healed 
I will close the wounds
She can be healed
I will stitch her soon. 

- - -

You cannot lose my love!
It is strong enough to battle all in all
You cannot lose my love!
Resist the Devil, and he will fall. 
You cannot lose my love!
Your heart is weary 
But don't give up. 
I will make you a stronger woman
Than you ever were before
and your wretched state will make you humble
There is no fate that makes you crumble
Don't set a curse over your life
Just believe in the dark of night. 
All the choices love, 
the choices are what make the daylight
Its the choice to believe that will set all things right. 
The power is there, inside my hand
But you'll live outside the promise land
And long as you believe there is no choice
If you listen to that lie and obey that voice. 
There is freedom through this pain 
There is sun above the rain
There is laughter through the stitches
This is my promise to you. 
There is a shelter from the onslaught
There is joy from up above
There is laughter through the stitches
There is a perfect kind of love. 

- - -
100 times a day
I see your face
and run away
I am so weary God
I am so dreary
The sun itself
could not illum-
inate this dreary heart.
I think of the pain
Of the curses
Of the rain
and of the hurts and
I just can't seem to get
out from under
this weight.
It crushes me
Crushes my chest
Twists my thoughts away
from what I know is best.
It is my enemy
The fabric inside of me
Oh how I hate who I am
I feel ugly
Worthless and defeated
Relentlessly cursed
Selfish and evil
Full of disregard.
Falling upon her face
So very hard.
Disbelieving doubting
worthlessly a lie
a pretender and a hypocrite
Who should bid the world
I should give up the ghost
Bury the host
And give the Devil what he wants most.
But somehow I remember you paid for me in blood
and that was love,
but everything has been tainted,
even holy things I used to think of.
Like a gutter kicked into my mind,
it spilled over, and left nothing holy to find.
I am tainted, I am tainted! So I will run away!
I am evil, I am evil...
Oh death, please sting away...

- - -
Here are strong arms to hold you
Here are ears to listen 
Here is a song to sing
Your Daddy is here. 
Here is a face to behold
Here is a day to unfold
Here is my love that will hold
Your Daddy is here. 
Have faith which moves the mountains
Its alright to just rest
and have peace. 
Don't you see? 
My joy will commence after you die
When you die to your visions of glory 
and let me rule your life. 
I understand all of your wounds
I know you better than even you
I know you need to hear I love you 
So many times a day
And I will never tire of telling 
The same thing as before
I love you. 
I love you, 
I will quietly love you, 
and I won't betray you
or leave you and slam the door. 

- - - 

The devil came
Kicked in the door
Like he had so many times before
And he took my mind
I let him inside
Thinking that was who I was.
But tonight,
when he came and whispered
And told me lies,
Cause he always tells me lies
My soul flipped it back on him,
and used the sword
I could feel the fight in my chest
and with one quick twist
I disarmed the enemy.
I closed off my ears to the lies
and walked away from his cold, dead eyes
That say they see right through me,
but they are blind
Oh, what a lie!
He tries to tell me things
and self-fulfill his prophecies,
but he can't hold this over me.
I'm crawling back to God.
I know I'll struggle.
I know I'll fight
I know there will be some long, hard nights.
But I am ready to be told
I have already been sold
And bought with the precious blood of Christ.

- - - 

I choose to believe.
No more doubt
So crippling
Even in the storms of fear
You're right here.

I want the truth
Even when it hurts
I want the light
No longer dirt.

Make me like I was
when I was young.
The stubborn mind
Completely undone.

No living lies
Just loving truth.
No pride besides
Taking reproof.

- - -

All the things I have asked of you
Which are in accordance with your will
You will grant me.
You will shatter me
until I am willing to see what was really inside.
You alone will put wellness in my soul and peace
in my mind.
You will only have me pure,
there is no other way.
You will not have me pure by my own standards.
You will have me in accordance with your will.
There is no other way.
You will have me emptied of myself,
Humbled in front of the congregation
Humbled in front of all of heaven
My worst sins exposed,
by my own admission.
Willing to say whatever was in my soul
Whatever was in my head
In order to be set free.
Willing to suffer
Willing to bend and break
Just to be near you for your own sake.
I will be in accordance with your will
There is no other way.
You must supply me with strength
and love
there is no other way.
Not because I am simply weak,
But because there is nothing in me
that is good.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Song - Weak Man

"Jesus, give me your heart. Burn away all the dross." 

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

First Day of Dance School

Got me a new outfit yesterday =D
Class went really well, first time teaching tap! 
We studio girls moved lots of stuff over to the brand new studio, and it felt like we were all moving into a new home. No more Bob! (the infamous big post in the middle of our dance floor) and everything is all new and clean and painted... so nice. Love it, love it! 

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