Monday, September 28, 2015

Don't Quit!

Remember this scene? At least you're not going to have to do the Death Crawl today ;)
Don't give up! Today is a new day. His mercies are new every morning. Do the best you can do today, and DON'T QUIT!

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Weigh In Wednesday #4

Ah ha! Thought I was going to miss this week too didn't you! Well, here I am. All 129 lbs of me. 

So how's it been going? 

Terrible... The thought of not eating scares me. So I eat. COMPULSIVELY. But that's ok. I can jump back on this bandwagon. 

I have to lose 4 lbs by the end of the week to accomplish my goal. Doable. Done. 

Tomorrow is Thursday... Can't wait to share some thoughts from this interesting week!

Monday, September 14, 2015

What Does Success Look Like?

Take a moment to ponder this today... 

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

You Do You

Wake up in the morning
and just do you
Just do what you
are supposed to do.

Live in your own space
and make it clean
Be the best you
that you can be

Don't pester or pick
at your sister and brother
just judge the mirror
and love all the others

If you will do you
and I maintain me
the world will draw closer
to the way things should be

Friday, September 4, 2015

Fall Fav: The Over-Sized Sweater

I don't know about you, but where I live, as soon as September 1st rolls around, its Fall. We've already had our first big rainstorm and the temperature has dropped into the crisp 50's. Guess its time to pull out those over-sized sweaters and sip on a cup of chai tea!

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Thoughts for Thursday: Christian Things

Lately, I've been pondering the meaning of what it actually means to be and to act like a Christian. I think that many of us who have been raised in the church have gotten so busy trying to tow the line all the time that we have forgotten Jesus in our struggle to be perfect. We have forgotten that Jesus is not interested in us doing things perfectly, he is simply interested in us doing things, and doing them from an honest heart.

Have you been doing things for people out of obligation, fear, or convenience? Are you kind to people because you know you have to be, and simply "put up" with people you consider to be "stupid" and not on the same level as your superior self? Do you lie and cover up your mistakes because you are afraid of people's opinions? Are you busy striving for all things "spiritual" while neglecting family, friends, and work? I only ask these questions because they are my personal struggles. 

For so long, I thought that spirituality was the apex of life. But then I realized (after I crashed and burned spiritually) that Jesus came not so that I could live like a monk and hole myself up with a Bible. Instead, he came to change my heart, and actually give me the love, courage, self-discipline, and honesty I do not have so that I would be able live my life. I don't have warmth in my heart. I don't have the discipline to have excellence. I don't have the patience to deal with my family. That's why I need Jesus. And I don't need to "feel" him. I simply need to ask him for the strength to go on. I need the motivation of being in the good fight and the race of my life with my eyes on the prize. I need to remember that one day I will see my Lord, and I will answer to him for the way I used my time, my mind, my talents, and how I dealt with his most special creations (the other people around me). 

I am not responsible for making the world perfect. I am not responsible for getting everyone saved. I am not responsible for being Jesus to people. More and more I am convinced that "Christian things" are not spiritual books, movies, or songs. They are not popular, shiny, and new. Instead, they are simple things. Christian things are cold cups of water given because you feel the thirst of someone else. Its a random hug to warm someone's heart. It's the conversations you have when you're not quitting on someone. Its playing Legos with your kid, and making them feel like the most important person in the world when you would rather be watching TV. Its putting away the dishes not so that mom sees, but to see her smile. Its getting up and going to work, doing your best, and bringing home a paycheck to your family. Its about looking at all the faults in yourself before pointing the fingers at anyone else. Its about sincerely caring for people, not drawing from our own shallow, dried up wells of love, but running to the Christ, and asking him to please give us his love for others. Its a beautiful desperation, not a fearful self-creation. 

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Weigh In Wednesday #3

Good morning world, its weigh in time! I am currently... 129lbs, which means I've kept my two pound per week goal. Now its two pounds for the next week! I think what has really helped this week has been admitting to myself that I am a cheat, and I no longer want to be a cheater. I want to excel and not cheat on anyone, especially myself. I am responsible for the girl in the mirror, and I am not going to let her down. I want to take control of my body and not let it be run over by bad bacteria and unwanted fat. I want to be clean, inside and out.

I have also enlisted the help of an accountability buddy (thank you Felicia). Every day, I must report on what foods and what amounts I have eaten, plus report anything I cheated on. Its been helping, let me tell you! If you feel like you're not strong enough to do something, ask a friend to poke you in the ribs.

Had a marvelous Monday, and a terrible Tuesday, mainly because I didn't take as many meds on Tuesday as I should have. Medication is so important... Please, everyone who has a form of mental chemical imbalance, take your pills for the good of society. I was the lead teacher at my Summer Camp yesterday... I just get so nervous sometimes, that it doesn't matter how much I've planned or studied, I simply feel like my voice evaporates into the universe when I speak. I think its because I don't believe in myself as a teacher anymore, and that is something that kids really sense. If you are thinking "I don't know if you should listen to me," they will seize on that thought and run with it. Today will be a better day. I believe that I can be a good teacher, I will connect with my students, and we are going to have insane fun. I realized yesterday that sometimes I'm so determined to do things perfectly, that I start focusing on the agenda over the people that the agenda is intended for. Not good. God, help me fix it! 

Compulsive actions have been less this week. I've really been trying to face reality and live in the now, and to watch compulsive or obsessive thinking. I am still really hurt by friends from the past few months, but I know they can't help it right now, and that I greatly contributed to my own pain. I need wisdom on how to set things right with them.
I have been trying to throw myself into goals and work that are productive and creative to keep myself busy. I am excited for the school year to start! I decided not to take a math class right away since I might test out of it if I study hard, so I am going to block out time to really study math hard and then I will start class in the Winter!

How are you doing on your goals? Keep track of yourself and let me know how you're coming along! 

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